In an effort to write more and also archive some of my older writings here, I’m just going to republish a bunch of stuff here, either digitizing my old handwriting or from somewhere else on the internet idk.
These bullet points were from September 19, 2025. I feel like a different person but also all the same. I don’t relate to everything here anymore especially the first one, but oh well.
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I don’t really look forward to the future. Nothing in the next 3 years excite me and I just generally go through life week by week basis. I have no plan, no desire, no foresights
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The past is like a vast sea where underneath it all I lay dormant in a cave deep beneath the surface. I replay events and obsess over it
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I remember also making fun of a girl who got picked at at school that her mom came to school to tell us to get along with her. At the time I found it funny and lame, and her mom was overreacting. Now as an adult, I realized that maybe I was just jealous that my parents didn’t do that for me. I watch that girl grow up from a far as she changed school, and she seems to have grown to someone more sophisticated and confident than I ever will be. I wonder if someone stood up for me back then would I also grow up to be like that.
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I hope if I were to be a mom I’ll be more like her mom. I wish to spoil my child at least in the sense that they know I’m on their side. I hate being envious and wishing my parents were like other parents, as I am grateful for their love and support of me throughout the years. And so the only thing I could do to ease this melancholic feeling is to promise myself that I’ll be there for my children if I ever do end up having one.